Saturday, December 27, 2014

nypd...blue

let me preface this post...i am not a cop...or a retired cop...or child of...and this post...these feelings are not a pulpit stand for left or right...black or white...or the real grey we all live with in between...this is for a sadness...a profound sadness...a real deep blue...this morning as i griped about all the fun my ten-day post shoulder surgery is...and the real delight of a sling on my right arm...the same that will make this posting proceed at a real turtle pace...yes, after saturday morning kvetching i put on the tv...and there it was...the funeral for the late detective ramos...and there was that tear...or two or three...hard to look away...hard not to feel flush with sorrow...bratton's eulogy was the real tear inducer...the boston accent rolling in a sea of genuine sorrow...i kept thinking who the hell wants that job...and being a film fan i cannot escape the bits and pieces that play in the reel always turning in my mind...a fictional soundtrack for warped reality...it was al pacino..."sea of love"...and that crazy line...defending himself to ellen barkin...something like, "in the wet-ass hour we are everybody's daddy"...and as i watched that sea of blue today i did think of what nypd does and must do day in and day out...again, this is not a debate over what needs fixing...what doesn't...it is really just a humble realization...and thank you...for men and women who do what would repel most...when every hour...every minute on the job may end in a day like this...a day when every new yorker..present and past...is nypd...blue

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

head, shoulder, knees and toes...

ah, yes...the gleeful toddler song...parents smiling...anxiously...hoping their future genius...who they will post about ad nauseum on social media...touches the right body parts when performing at family get-togethers and neighborhood barbecues...but as i reference this rhyme today it is because as of tomorrow i will have completed the quartet and had some procedure or surgery on all stated parts...tomorrow the right shoulder...and as my fingers fly on the keyboard i frown realizing i will be pecking in frustration with my slow left fingers for a few weeks to come...and so i cook the last supper, as it were, on the first night of Chanukah...before the shoulder feels like that latke on the bottom of the plate...i think back wistfully to my childhood and to the joyous anticipation of that first night...the first present...and the first candle burning in my parents' music box menorah...that as we got older played a rather asthmatic sounding "Hatikvah"...i think back to all this holiday was, and is...and wish, for just this moment, i was that little strawberry blonde...singing that song...giggling throughout...all my grandparents, my father still with me...my poor mom rushing to clean up sixties-style...no dishwasher...and my grandfathers hoisting me up to light the first candle...Chag Sameach...Happy Chanukah...wishing you all the blessings and sweetness of memory...

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

the god of small things

last night...after midnight...mike turned to me and said, "how about assisted living for donut?"...donut, our cat...the same cat that is in a coma all day, was racing through our apartment and scratching everything BUT the scratching post...this is his revenge...our thanksgiving trip to florida...while he boarded at a vet due to his diabetes...has now resulted in a total reversal of day and night...not so bad before the trip...but you get it...and i thought about all this...these small creatures...and then small people...children...about how since i am now light years away from when we traveled the florida route when lauren was little, i am less tolerant...like, when they announce boarding at the gate, they should just say, "anyone who does not require assistance or is not traveling with small children may now board"...and all 5 of us will approach...or when a bored 7-year-old finds kicking the back of your seat amusing is there any parent that will say "stop"?...or when a mother tried to rush past me as everyone crunched like sardines in the aisle of the plane, waiting to exit...worse than the E at rush hour...she shoved, stating she had a baby...and i looked behind her and saw a virtual sea of weary looking parents and babies...and wanted to say, "bitch, really?"...but just laughed, let her go...ugly toddler in tow...and jotted it down on the inside...where i would forget it...until 4am...when i am staring at my demented cat, thinking...atria for kitties...