the sky is crying

Every little girl should have an Auntie Sharyn…from my earliest memories of her as my first babysitter…playing with my dolls…torturing her,  along with my cousin Jennifer, by playing my Mary Poppins album… over and over and over…to the rehearsed chorus we would always sing to her “Auntie Sharyn, you got skinny”…chocolate turkeys for all of us every Thanksgiving…then years later…complaining about boys, life and everything to her…and always the sympathetic ear…to becoming a young adult and sharing a New Years with her...sleepovers here and there…next day commuting with much laughter to work…Brighton Beach memories…sun and laughter…the soft lilting tones of the knish guy “geshrying knish knish” and then parking himself by our blanket…not wanting to leave…we knew we couldn’t look at each because if we did we would still be laughing…and then I was an adult…through all the years I would marvel at the closeness and love of Sharyn and her sisters, my mother, Millie and my Aunt Harriet…affectionately “BB’s Girls”…the shorthand between them…her deep love and admiration for her daughter, Iris…her baby girl…and then Eddie…a dear son-in-law…really son after so many years…but Sharyn’s supreme “nachas” came with her grandchildren, Jeff and Jackie…she lit up when talking about them…the big events and day to day life…but life flies by on butterfly wings…and now she is gone…I cannot help but think of that famous T.S. Eliot line  “april is the cruelest month”…and it is cruel that Sharyn is gone…but I am reminded of the mitzvah of memory…a gift to us…and thanking my dear Aunt for that gift as our healing begins…

just keep swimming...

so last week i was shopping for a new swimsuit...a florida vacation in a few weeks...my favorite black go-to swimsuit ruined by chlorine and other mysterious chemicals during pool pt...i know...many of you are twitching in sympathy already...after a long and brutal winter...for me lots of idle, inactive time in a sling...and then ice...snow...indoors...cookies...pinot noir...and now...my thighs and ass are getting their own zip code...so, there i was going through racks of swimsuits...picked a few which did not make me think "hideous" instantly...and did the death march into the fitting room...three-way mirrors...yellow lighting...pasty white skin...omg, i thought...why not just give me a gun with the fitting room ticket...and then an old expression came to mind...if you can't lose it, tan it...and i swore, as i tried on one after the other...i swore to the beach gods to be faithful to the diet i had lamely started...and also vowed to keep my sunhat on at the beach...you know to protect from those uv rays...and also to hide...in case i should run into any size 4 skinny bitches from my past while sipping my exotic glass of water...gazing at the ocean...dreaming of winter and its excess washing away in the waves...