belly up to the bar, boys....

and so 2013 roars ahead...two events back to back which seemed so far away a few years ago are behind me now...first, lauren's college graduation...the second, my nephew justin's becoming a bar-mitzvah...that sweet little baby i held in the hospital almost thirteen years ago, now looks down to meet my eyes as i greet him...taller and taller with each month...one more year of middle school...teetering on the edge of the aloofness of young men...still happily gives this aunt a hug every time i see him...and now a bar mitzvah...a rite of passage...in what was a celebratory weekend...friday and saturday temple services...and then a fantastic party sunday...i found myself in total awe of the speed of time...and then at the party i paused at the realization that i was sitting at an "older" table...the exuberance of youth brushing past me on the dance floor...so i headed to the bar at the "bar"...trying to choose wisely...will it give me a headache?...if the kids knock into me will it stain my dress?...the impossibly young bartender hands me my drink...as i bring it to my lips i see my nephew...the smile permanently tattooed on his face...yep, he's king of the world...and king of the court, being the only grandson on both sides of his family...surrounded by his beautiful cousins only too happy to share in his joy...ah, the hell with it...i turn to the bartender, lifting a fresh drink and silently toast to all those not here on this dance floor...and it is time to dance...these moments are fleeting and few, as the saying goes...the daily grind can wait till the morning next to that bottle of advil!

Pomp, and circumstances

and so i am now the parent of a college graduate...i will spare you the cliche line, in the blink of an eye...even if it does seem true...mostly...cause we all realize deep inside that as parents we remember it all...everything about raising our children...the good...the not so good...the stuff that turned our hair gray and made us instantly atone and pray for forgiveness for all our transgressions against our own parents...and amazingly there i was in decrepit nassau coliseum...please, someone get that bid and fix the damned place...cold and wet from running in from a truly ugly weather day that every idiot forecaster missed...freezing in that overly air-conditioned arena...holding the tears with each and every chord of pomp and circumstance...a short time earlier we had hugged lauren good-bye as she left to go with all the graduates while we ran for seats...and she turned to look at me as i let go,and there it was...the little face nervous and tentative as i let go the first day of nursery school...the shy smile as she waved from the school bus as the doors closed that first day of kindergarten...the less-than-thrilled look with middle school...high school...harder times...and then the full smile of earned joy at high school graduation...and now today...my lovely daughter...a woman i recognize as sure as the air i breathe...and then don't...joni mitchell's "circle game" in my head...wishing my dad could see this...pure joy sharing this with my mom...taking it all in to savor...looking at those around me...that soft nod of kinship you give to other moms...that shared collective sigh...and tear...to all my family and friends basking in the delight of your own child's commencement...pat yourself on the back...it's your commencement too!

baby, you can drive my car

i seemed to have been in my car a lot this past week...mostly driving in "circles"...picking up...dropping off...early in the week there i was...incredibly fatigued...failing to double-check my rear window and hitting a neighbor's (illegally parked car)...his car fine...mine eh...which made me more painfully attuned to all around me the rest of the week...and the horrible state of driving in my zip code...which in turn made me painfully aware of everyone around me everywhere i went...like on line in target...the people...not cute and perky like the commercial...more like an episode of "wife swap" or the real housewives of carle place...then the movies last night at the multiplex...i was just happy that there was a movie i wanted to see since the "oscar" rush..."mud"...a good movie with a small indie feel and a wonderful matthew mccconaughey who will probably be overlooked at next year's award season...anyway, the theater was packed...i looked around and thought bloomberg would have a total stroke and keel over if he saw this sight...popcorn buckets large enough to feed a third world nation...and sodas large enough to induce instant diabetic shock...greasy box loads of fries and nuggets of indeterminate substances...after the 30 minutes of previews, one that i remember seeing a full year ago...can you say bomb?..i thought wistfully...well maybe the sounds of popcorn rustling in boxes...soda slurping...nuggets crunching would be done...and when the movie started it was...mostly...but then there she was...the narrator...you know her...or him...the person at the movies who feels the need to loudly announce who is now on screen...or what may or may not happen next...yes, she was in range as we heard..."that's reese witherspoon"...it was then that i secretly prayed she had more popcorn or soda or anything to shut her up...and finally she did...when the movie was over and the credits rolled mike informed me that we could not exit to the right as the woman a few seats down had knocked over the remains of her keg of coke all over the floor...as we made our way out of the lot i saw the requisite car going through what was now clearly a red light...i closed my eyes and dreamed of a cottage on the edge of oblivion...ocean in the distance...and words pouring from my fingertips...yeah, baby you can drive my car!