like chocolate for water...

if you eat a chocolate, and no one sees it, do the calories count?...ah, valentine's day...in the dead of winter...a mere six weeks or so since stuffing your face with christmas cookies, chanukah gelt, 5 billion calorie eggnog, and anything that didn't move...and the magazine ads...well, they are crammed with red, hot pink, lingerie ads...store windows too...which you contemplate until you realize that your fat post-holiday ass will only fit if you use your eighth-grade home economics skills and sew two together...this is not kardashian ass...this is i'll go to the gym when I finish binge-watching 500 svu episodes ass...but you figure, hey, I got this...i'll wear that big, camouflage red sweater, and black elastic waistband pants for dinner on valentine's...phew...but then, for extra measure, we had the first real snow yesterday...blizzard on long island (which, as an aside, means the lirr will run again in june)....and so there you are in your sweats and worn slippers...couch, blanket and the tv, while the wind rattles the windows...and an ad comes on for m&m's...and you want chocolate...but you finished off the last of the holiday stuff last night...the only goody in sight is the small, sealed valentine's box on the counter...but, that's not yours...hmmm...could you get the car out, navigate the ice and replace it in time...you look outside...nah...and you start twitching like a junkie...what to do?...what to do?...holy shit, another chocolate ad...your fingers reach for that sealed box...but you stop yourself...turn on the news...the craving leaves you...you're nauseous now...sean spicer screaming about something else...and all i can think of now...the daughter of one of the best men's suit salesmen that lived...oh, lord, spicer...get a freakin' tailor...i chuckle to myself...reach for the box...shhhh...happy valentine's everyone!