b.o. humbug

it is almost Christmas...and since the greasy smell of latkes are long gone for me, I am remembering Christmas smells of my childhood...those holiday smells for Jewish kids on Christmas...depending on the weather...buttery popcorn at the movies...or a crisp waft of fresh snow, ice-skating outdoors...then my poor nose defrosting over the steam of hot chocolate...mmm...a plastic container of egg drop soup...back to reality...these past days...it's been a somewhat unpleasant potpourri...the aroma of December rain underfoot...or what was supposed to be a fresh pine arrangement over my hairdresser's chair...she said it was causing her nausea...she found it kind of putrid...asked what I thought...I inhaled and agreed, "nella, that's 70's subway"...today, at physical therapy (another story) as I moved to use some arm bands I came within a few arms lengths of a fellow patient...he was around my age and was usually there on the same days...loved to show his muscles in tanks no matter the weather...I counted as I stretched...one...two...ew...what the hell was that?...three...four...holy shit...he wreaked...it was the longest count to thirty of my life...but then I can always thank my memory...still relatively intact...and I closed my eyes...I floated back to wonderful smells of Christmas at neighbors and friend's homes...trees...candles...a plate of cookies still warm placed in my lap...for all my Christian friends...wishing you the most blessed day...and may all your memories be sweet and heaven scent...

rolling in the deep....

back from a cruise celebrating our 25th anniversary...within the first hour of boarding I thought I'd hit the writer's jackpot...a virtual explosion of material after days of a drought...first, the reservation line at the Italian restaurant...the foursome in front of us had literally walked out of a Seinfeld episode...the poor hostess was doing her best...she offered different dining times but the leader of the pack was not sure he'd make the show in the theater with each one she offered...this with two shows an evening...but he wasn't convinced...would he really make the beginning of the show...and still the hostess tried...with patience as deep as the ocean...mine was wearing thin...next...an incredible amount of scooters every where I went...no disrespect to any disabled fellow traveler but when one came within inches of ramming my ankle I began to read my future obituary...death by scooter...most had no clue how to operate them...but that did not stop their plowing into elevators and crowds at the buffet...again, I thought of Seinfeld and the episode where George was chased by an angry mob on scooters...our first stop was Princess Cays, in Eleuthera...a great little spot run by Princess...as I sat on the beach, the ocean in front, I thought, paradise...Bob Marley from the speakers..."One Love"...how nice...then I heard the song a second time...and soon realized it was a continuous loop...after the 20th time I thought if I heard that song again I would scream so loud they would hear me in Nebraska...I may have to burn my CD...that night as we headed south we encountered a nasty weather pattern and strong winds...let's just say I thought I saw Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio floating by as I stumbled into the cabin and prayed for a good wine-induced coma...when we did hit land after that, in Curacao the weather was not too pretty...it made for interesting dinner conversation that night with other couples...to our left was a charming couple from Florida...he was a spry 92!...very much like Lloyd Bridges in his later years...his wife, 82, was adorable...they'd been married 19 years - second marriages for both...when he helped her to her feet at the end of dinner and escorted her on his arm I couldn't help but smile...the weather changed the next day...the sun finally returned...our day in Aruba was great...but with the sun came a new horror...men well on the far side of 50 in speedos!...is it just me?....and most were married...who were these wives?....but then I saw something else...a man who obviously had some type of disability named Eddie had become the star of the cruise....he was everyone's friend and cheerfully had the crowd clapping and smiling when the live band played Luke Bryant for him...the last day as I left the pool there was Eddie...smiling with his new friends...I turned back and he cheerfully waved bye to me...and now I am home and it is snowy and cold...and in no time my tan will fade and the daily grind will have me again...but I really think I will always remember that older couple...the twinkle in their eyes...and the real joy strangers felt in Eddie's smile...a wonderful way to celebrate our milestone...and the real message of the holiday season...

Happy Hanksgiving....

in my sweats before dressing for work...wondering if it's spring or Siberia outside today...mother nature is having a field day with us this autumn...taking time to breathe before a crazy week...Chanukah...my 25th wedding anniversary (yikes)...and Thanksgiving...which basically translates to latkes, chocolate, a nice dinner out, chocolate, turkey...and chocolate...I promise to burn my scale in anticipation...but you may wonder about the title of this post...it is a reference to my seeing "Captain Phillips" last night...I, personally, have never been a huge fan of Tom Hanks...I actually have preferred him in many of his less commercially successful films...this time, forgiving the somewhat confusing accent, he won me over...with his eyes...his face conveying everything to us...and this, by allowing himself, so far, to age naturally as opposed to like...I don't know 99.9% of Hollywood...but it is this true story that got me thinking...and as much as you root for Captain Phillips...there is such sadness in the plight of warlord control of the Somalian people...and the non-actors portraying the Somali pirates...so painfully thin...these pirates with nothing to lose...and nothing to live for...and here I am at Thanksgiving week and the crazed month leading up to Christmas...a season where much of the meaning is forgotten and society is driven to debt-frenzied excess...and I know I cannot cure the ills of much of the world...and the cruel circumstances of Somalis or even those without in my own backyard...so to speak...but I think I will be a bit more mindful of the Salvation Army bucket...food pantry collections...and a charity or two that will feed and keep those less fortunate warm this season...and if Tom's name is called Oscar-time next year I promise not to scream at my flat-screen in the warmth of my living room...Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

both sides now....

ah...joni mitchell is 70 today...i must admit, i was a little late in the game, as they say, in becoming a true fan...yes, joni's lyrics and haunting soprano formed much of the background noise of the 70's for me...but the true beauty and genius of her poetry didn't hit me till later...and maybe that's how it should have been...without sufficient life experience, love and loss how could any of the words resonate so deeply?...i also admire that joni is more than a musician, and poet, but also a painter...a renaissance woman, if you will...although as a poet, joni's lyrics have been painting pictures for me for years...haven't you heard "circle game" in your own head at some life event?...or "chelsea morning" in a brilliant summer sunrise?...and so when i am back at the game of writing today...poetry, that is...and i feel discouraged when buried in a sea of rejections for a new manuscript...like i keep banging my head in a wall hoping for a different result...i'll instead think of joni...and the longevity and legacy of her writing...and painting...and start again...the november sky will always be painted with her haunting lyric, "see the geese in chevron flight flapping and facing on before the snow, they've got the urge for going, they've got the wings to go"...as it should be...

who says you can't go home...

let's see...my feet are killing me...parts of my body hurt that i never knew existed...i suddenly have no voice, and sound like demi moore...but with a brain...ah, yes...the 35th high school reunion was great...for those of us who have not been back to staten island, and old familiar stomping grounds, it was quite an eye-opener...driving forest avenue towards denino's (of course) we were wondering if we were even in the same borough as our faded memories...after a few hours of catching up with dear friends suzanne, anne and kathryn it was time to start getting ready...it may have been around 4:30...yes, on this side of 50 it is a process...when the taxi came to take us to the party, i was a little less than thrilled to see a van...a dress, heels, stockings (yes, again, this side of 50) and climbing do not make an attractive look...add the rain on the climb out...let the pain begin!...and then we were there...35 years later...no name tags...but it didn't matter...lots of hugs and talk...several drinks and bee gees' songs later a lot of dancing...a lot of laughter as we attempted to take pictures, read raffle ticket numbers or glance at phones before breaking down and grabbing for the reading glasses...i was thinking that at the next reunion every place setting should include a pair of them...in the requisite red and grey, of course...some notable memories...jeff's welcome toast with a too-long menopause reference in a room that was roughly 65% women with knives in front of them...the dj who at times seemed a little confused with the music of our era...but what the hell, we were game...the "after-party" at the hilton with our rounds of drinks provided by a fellow graduate who just didn't want the night to end...this while brides and bridesmaids sauntered in and out...and some monsignor farrell '78 graduates who also celebrated that night...still wearing their picture tags in vintage 70's black and white (it was at that point that I truly appreciated our lack of name tags)...when i think of the night i will always think of the warmth and genuine affection of my fellow '78 graduates...i will think of the emptiness we all felt for those no longer with us...and for the hope that more will be able to join us in 5 years...that we all will be healthy and ready to share a few hours and break bread as they say..who says you can't go home?...not me!

spring ahead...fall back...

i am the hamster on the wheel...as hard as i try to "spring ahead" it would seem the cards intend to have me "fall back"...for now...and so even as we delight in the extended warmth of almost mid-autumn...i feel the chill and seem the paralyzed poet, unable to write even the most banal of poems..."you're only as happy as your least happy child"...this filters through my remaining brain cells...that would be lauren, my only, who is suffering as we try to diagnose unremitting nausea and pain...days stretching to a week..then two...and so i am not so happy...they say timing is everything (yes, this is a blog post riddled with cliches)...starting a new job, albeit part-time, just as this crisis reared it's nasty head...sprinkle this with some manuscript and contest rejections...then the look on the clinique saleswoman's face as she tried to find a product that would cover the black circles under my eyes (this with a 35th high school reunion days away)...and there you have it...hamster on the wheel...running forward, falling back...hoping to jump, land and cut loose before the leaves fall...

auntie emmy...auntie emmy...

So...the morning after the emmys...and i can honestly say...ugh...a snoozefest...there were some funny moments on both the red carpet and show...all i am sure unintentional...jon hamm on the red carpet...i am sure we will read about in some gossip column, or see on any given entertainment show the reason for the beard...but as he sauntered down the carpet i thought...he looked like he was ready to conduct a los angeles kabbalah service...then the awkward interview moments when ryan seacrest shoves one waif on stilts down the steps for another being shoved up the steps...the exception being the lovefest between claire danes and lena dunham which distracted me for 30 seconds from the incredibly hideous dress lena wore and the fact that claire looked like she just came out of auschwitz...then the show started...merritt weaver, i am sorry i do not know who you are because with 1 billion shows on tv and netflix i have n0t seen "nurse jackie" but i would like to know what you were taking because it might help with some shoulder pain i've been having...julia louis dreyfus...yes, we get it you are the perennial emmy darling and that you could star in an abc family remake of "eight is enough" and win, but humility goes a long way...the obviously rehearsed acceptance speech shtick was not endearing...melissa leo...what circus trunk did you raid for the outfit, or maybe you were confused and thought it was a broadway open call for patina miller's future replacement in "pippin"...then the endless breaks to remember those that passed this year...instead of one "dead" montage, the producers this year decided to take any entertainment value that neil patrick harris had generated, and then level that by sticking in several painful tributes...this leaving the telecast d.o.a.....and as i waited, in vain, for the show to come to life i thought that maybe instead i should have driven to the multiplex for a dose of "the wizard of oz"...now in 3D...hmmm...maybe neil patrick harris should have made a stop at the wizard's...cause this emmy really needed some courage, brains...and most importantly...a heart!