shopping for clothes...alone...is the biggest pain in the ass...you try to haul as much as you can in with you...multiple styles...sizes...and then pray...there I was yesterday...looking for a sweater but thinking maybe jeans too...Lord have mercy...this is where that expression comes from...two sizes...three styles...you get it...but after crying exhaustion with the third pair...I realized I had only one size in the style I really liked...and it fit...well...until I sat...then breathing was optional...I meandered out into the store in their jeans...my socks...no one flinched...and couldn't find the next size...headed back to the fitting room disappointed...until I saw a saleswoman rolling a cart by me...I asked her if the next size was in the storage room...she looked me over...she said they didn't have it in the store...and besides..."they would be way too big for you"...she was my new best friend...I told her how these...pointing to their jeans that I could have walked out in...were tight when I sat...she claimed they would give and stretch...I was doubtful...and getting hungry...I went back to the fitting room...put my clothes back on...then I looked in those hideous mirrors with the poor lighting...oh you wonderful saleswoman...you know nothing about the plight of my people...my family...the genes...not the jeans...the plight of "groys pulkes"...I will translate...but the essence will be lost...it means big thighs in Yiddish...I sighed...bought the sweater...thinking salad for lunch...as I headed home...
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