"i ain't down yet"....

2016 was a shit storm...sorry, but true...and i'm closing my eyes till midnight tomorrow...afraid another ap bulletin will scroll across the bottom of the tv...or another facebook or twitter post will flash a face...another gone...my youth and memories vanishing in quicksand...yes, there is perspective...these are not my family...or friends...but now it seems so many are my contemporaries...and that is enough for pause...and so the escape to the movies...start cramming them in before the oscar noms...oh, for how many years, before the immediacy of social media, did i sit by the tv...pen and paper...scribbling the names of nominees...strategizing which movies i needed to see...this was when the golden globes were still buried on tbs on saturday night(and still should be)...before the sag awards were a thing...oscar was it...on a monday in april...then march...then sunday in february...and so it's value has diminished...as so much has...and some of the movies this year are very good...but painfully sad..."jackie"...a bottle of vodka..."manchester"...two bottles of jack..."moonlight"...a few shots of tequila...ah, but "la la land"...maybe not perfect...but in the last days of the shit storm...before it was george and that beautiful voice...then debbie's daughter, and carrie's mom...i sat mesmerized...the colors and music washing over me...damien chazelle's vision was my sweetest memory of mgm classics..of gene kelly...fred astaire...ginger rogers...leslie caron...and yes, america's sweetheart, debbie reynolds...of dreamers...romance...what we lose along the way...and for that alone i was grateful...and it reminded me of the solace and saving grace of the arts...and so it would seem it is up to the artists...writers...musicians...and dreamers...to pull us across this finish line...leave 2016 in the dust...i'm checking out of this heartbreak hotel, carrie...i ain't down yet, debbie...'cause i gotta have faith, george...wishing for a peaceful 2017!

"One for each night, they shed a sweet light..."

and so it is almost Chanukah...and Christmas...and also thankfully, the end of 2016...when I look back at this year i can't think of a more appropriate song than that old temptations classic, "ball of confusion"...there is no peaceful corner of our globe...the "dead montages" in music, film, theater, and sports are staggering...our weather is more violent...there is little escape from the barrage of hate on social media...and i still haven't seen "hamilton"...and yet...so many are racing in preparation of holidays this weekend...baking and wrapping and hugging through the random cruelness of twenty-first century life...and all are anticipating 2017...what will it bring to this world...and to our loved ones...and many seriously wonder whether one person can change this world...well then. ..say a prayer when you light your menorah...or attend mass...or in the quiet moments early in the morning...whisper a prayer for someone who cannot...and then maybe promise one act of random kindness this new year...pay it forward even in the face of despair...spread joy even in the absence of hope as we cross this year's finish line and welcome 2017...

november rain

it could be snow...such is the rationale i use while additionally wishing my car was a boat...november's monthly average rain in two days...hypnotized by the wipers at red lights, my mind wanders...and i become increasingly depressed realizing we are one month from the end of another year...how many resolutions and plans can you squeeze into 31 days?...maybe easier to carry them forward...swish swish swish...do i have clothes at the cleaners?...swish swish swish...passing fairway...swish swish swish...what the hell should i make for dinner?...swish swish swish...what were those resolutions made in january?...was i serious or trying to hold back time?...ah, this rain...as sad as chapin's "taxi" playing on the radio...almost home...think i'll grab the afghan, a cup of chamomile and close my eyes...daydream...a sunny may afternoon...petty's "running down a dream" blasting...resolutions beckoning in a blue endless sky...

suffragette city...

i suppose reading this you might find it strange...blogging before the outcome of the election...but you see for me it's the bigger picture...or smaller...we stand in line today as a nation divided...it is ugly...it may get uglier in days to come...possible recounts...maybe a gore vs. bush nightmare again...but that is not the real issue...the real issue is where do we go from here as a nation...so many are amazed that we are at this point...vitriol...mob mentality...and it stirs something very unsettling within me...maybe it's after seeing "denial" a few days ago...or turning away from continued reports of rising anti-semitism around the globe...and on our campuses...maybe it's because of what campaign rhetoric has brought to the surface...or maybe it's because tomorrow is the anniversary of kristallnacht...and so many people do not even know what that is...and the knot twists when i realize that many future generations may never know what it was and meant because of how easily our histories are rewritten in the age of instant information and blind acceptance...and so now do i need to defend all i am?...isn't it enough that we all see our children the same way...wish for them the same things...it makes me shake...how did we get here again...how do you put out the fire of hatred...i pause...later i will exercise the 19th amendment...but sadly wonder...where is the amendment that will eradicate hate at the core...maybe this...put down the phone...breathe deep...crack a book

it's just a jump to the left...

yes, let's do the time warp today...halloween...one day crammed with so many memories...costumes...parties...and, oh yes, chocolate...but here i am...at a certain point of life...and in between it all...not dressing up or working on a costume for my daughter...in a community with no trick or treaters...and missing it all...well, maybe not cleaning the mailbox november 1st coated in shaving cream, toilet paper, and...ew, sometimes eggs...really missing the chance once a year to be someone else...to reinvent yourself for a fleeting and often hilarious moment...thinking back to my two favorite costumes....scarlett o'hara and morticia addams...yes, a hula hoop and curtains for the first...and even finding a long cigarette holder to complete the second...and also, wistfully remembering walking in the village parade 1981...before it was over-hyped and televised...i think of icy cold halloweens, my nose red at dusk...rainy ones with umbrellas and soaked sneakers trying not to slip on the drenched leaves...and glorious sunny ones, the sun blazing as it set over the last foliage...and i can still hear the sound of candy hitting the table as it was unceremoniously dumped for sorting...being young and wanting it all...being a parent and trying not to sneak it all later that night...but mostly i think of children...the youngest...not jaded...the wonderful costumes...and the pure joy and trepidation as they looked up at me, arms spread wide holding their goody bags...running with glee down my lawn into the darkness of werewolves and vampires and ghosts...and the sweet memory of youth...

look back in anger

i close my eyes...and dream of november 9th...please let this nightmare be over already...make america great again...i'm with her...both slogans offend me...as a writer...really?...this is the best money can buy these days?...but seriously...last night the third and final debate...hallelujah...as i watched the great pumpkin vs. sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits...i began to boil...these are the days of uncivil discourse...style over substance...and the world is watching...and we are watching but not listening...because we are numb...and guilty...because this is not the worst of it...what passes for senators, congressmen, legislators, and yes, now in nassau, county executives is appalling...so few really grasping the meaning and intent of serving their constituents...so go ahead and read the facebook posts ad nauseum...line your wastebaskets with endless campaign mail...mute the tv commercials...as for me, i'm dreaming of peter finch...crazed and ranting..."i'm mad as hell and i'm not going to take this anymore"...i reach for the window latch and pause...cause really, who the hell would listen these days?...

cause i gotta have faith...

it is that time of year again...baseball playoffs in the distance...football stats mounting...and brisket...rosh hashonah...days of awe...yom kippur...hours of atonement...they loom as summer ends...then fly by...but faith is that elusive feeling deep within...and i have to admit that i am green with envy when i see those so sure and steady in their belief...because for me it has always been much like the ocean...ebb and flow...rocky and tranquil...dark, then luminous...and so much emotion tied to memory...and family...and joyous dinners in tight places...and then to all who are gone...no longer at the table...i think ultimately, for me, my faith is not really within temple walls...although there is sweetness in prayer and peace in the silence...for me it is in the writing...and the determination to share memories...feelings...of what came before and where i wish we could be in this lifetime...and so i will grasp that this holy season...take it with me into the new year...wishing everyone reading l'shanah tovah...a sweet and happy new year...and yes, i really do want world peace...