summer wishes, winter dreams

i am looking out my window...and the sun is glorious...the birds are chirping...and i am getting ready for work (bleh)...summer has begun...in all its hot, frizzy glory...after a horrible winter and a spring that never showed up...I ask you...then why do i always get that little twinge at summer solstice with the realization that the days now shorten...albeit slowly...but still...almost the way I mentally bargain at the winter solstice...this darkness too shall pass...and i am struck by the thought of how much we bargain with time...particularly as we age...the past few weeks i have had the good fortune to find some old college friends via social media...we exchange life stories and memories...and suddenly, if but for a brief moment, we are back in time looking at our younger selves...and then i look at my daughter...turning 23 this week and older than i was in those faded videos and snapshots...and marvel at the swift passage of time...and think that the greatest birthday wish i can give to her is to not bargain with father time...but just embrace each day the best you can as the adventure and gift it is...and then, reality sets in...how quickly would her eyes roll at the thought...which brings to mind the last line of "the turning point"..."oh, emma, if only she knew what we know now"..."it wouldn't matter worth a damn"

who'll stop the reign?

it is raining...again...and after this past winter i don't think we should have any rain this summer (even if it's not really summer, yet)...well, maybe one afternoon a week...because if it was beautiful out every day then i would never sit at the laptop to write...and then I would feel guilty..and i am rambling...today's rant is about those brilliant sisters....who have contributed so much to our culture...no, i am not talking about the brontes...but the kardashians, of course...because last week...while more girls were kidnapped in nigeria...while 5 of our own were killed in a horrific episode of "friendly fire"...while we lost ruby dee...and, even on lighter notes, when broadway's brilliant audra mcdonald made incredible tony award history (6 tonys, all four acting categories and she's only 43!!)...we get to hear about kourtney...is she pregnant...do we care?...we get to hear about kim and kanye's second honeymoon...see her fat ass in a white bikini...hear about him turning 37 (that's 5 in kanye tantrum years)...thankfully, the real nitwit, khloe, was in absentia...and i want to know...actually beg...can someone take the spotlight from them...someone with real talent...make it easier to wrap my brain around it...how about some kick ass sisters to take the reign...like the wilsons...ann and nancy, of course...

Come what may(a)...

i am sitting here...the last day of may...and thinking about the passing of maya angelou...and her legacy both culturally and spiritually...and have to admit...that although i call myself a poet...i have read only some of her work...as is the case with many great poets...it is really not something that i do out of laziness...but more out of fear...that i will immerse myself in the beauty of great poets and my own pen will be silenced...or i will lose my voice when i write when trying to emulate another's...in april i had the good fortune to attend the academy of american poets "poetry and the creative mind" event at lincoln center...it was the second year i went...the event celebrates national poetry month by inviting actors, poets, chefs and other celebrities from various paths to read some great poetry...anyway, i opened this year's program and there it was...miss angelou's "still i rise"...to be read by rosie perez...i know some of you are grinning...rosie perez?!?..she had to excuse herself for the first half of the program...a coughing fit...she made it back and it was her turn to hit the podium...the beginning was a bit tentative...the signature nasally full-on-new yawk voice almost afraid of the task...but midstream something happened...and the words were not just on the paper...or from memory...but from somewhere deep inside...and when she finished the applause...thunderous...and that is the real beauty of poetry...great poetry...the chord it touches within each of us...still i rise...perhaps the greatest gift miss angelou bestowed was a voice for the mute among us...an introduction to the masses to what poetry can be...and a kick in the ass to this writer to keep writing...the poetry of our stories will always rise...

a price above rubies....

coming home from mom's (nj) to me (long island)...sans auto, so I could take care of some "city" things...I found myself thinking...quite a bit...the thoughts were an extension of a poem I recently wrote about how it feels at this moment being a woman in her fifties...about how difficult it can be to stand tall when society tries to diminish my worth with each candle on the cake...it's easy to sell yourself short...the media slams us everyday with images of our Hollywood counterparts..."wow, see how she looks at 40, 50, 60..." blah blah blah...I'm thinking yeah, she's had more work done than the belt parkway...to add to these feelings...many of us find ourselves in the job market...again...trying to reinvent ourselves...again...competing with our own children and their contemporaries...ouch....and so I thought about the beautiful phrase...a price above rubies...and became a little introspective...and thought of so many of my friends...close and even casual...all of a certain age...and thought...never let anyone or anything compromise your feelings of self-worth...age is beauty and our worth is far above the prices of rubies...yeah...put that on the resume!

a day in hollywood, a night in the ukraine

the news makes my head hurt...not the lead stories...about the size of kim's ass or the possibility of george being off the market...uh, like he was ever on the market for me, or anyone reading this...but we dream...anyway...it is the real news that causes frown lines...the news about a ferry full of innocent south korean high school students sinking...about missing nigerian girls...and mostly about ukraine...whether or not each story is valid the tone is...putin is marching and anti-semitism is alive and strong...as it always has been...but more so lately...buried deep after stories of beyonce and bieber and all other forms of distraction...i wonder if maybe the greatest history lesson we can teach younger generations is that how it repeats itself...despite hopes and claims to the contrary...so we close our eyes and wish for the happy ending...but it keeps me up...when I think that hitler began his merry march in 1933...and the attack on pearl harbor wasn't till 1941...eight years...i guess it was eyes wide shut...or maybe everyone reading about what vivien wore to the "gone with the wind" premiere...or who clark's date was...makes me think of that old play title...a day in hollywood...a night in the ukraine...

chasing cars

"what can i do to get you in this car today?"...i am in hell...the leases on both our car, and lauren's, are up in may...and so comes the search...and for every dealership we walk into, the catch phrase...i clench my jaw...cause what i want to say is...something along the lines of...buy it for me...and while you're at it...throw in my mortgage...and credit cards...how about gas for a year...unleaded!!!...ugh...and on that little form they all ask you to fill out there are those lines for phone numbers and email addresses...i think of putting in my old phone number...from the 60's...the one my mom made me memorize till my little head hurt...HI4-6184...keep them busy...because you know they are going to call...and email...all the time...like when i was trying not to drop the 14 pound turkey en route to the oven on passover..."what can i do to get you in this car today?"...does it come with a 5 foot invisible shield to surround it...so when I take it out the first time...like to fairway...it won't get battered by some shopping cart racing from the next row that some dumbass couldn't roll back...and also for that car careening onto the northern state without a glance in the rearview...can it fly next time i have to navigate the potholed belt parkway...didn't think so...cars...when we sit down with the pen and the money...and sign on the dotted line...just give me the color i want...let me download "full moon fever"...and drive away...into one mile an hour long island traffic...deal?

what a fool believes

last week i was shuffling through the port authority to visit my mom...this being my mode of transport when i want to avoid the craters...i mean potholes on the belt parkway and staten island expressway...and also pass on the 100 year construction project that is the status quo in the tri-state...anyway...I am having coffee, this after walking by fatigues and guns and police...the authority in this port...a reminder of the fragile state in which we still exist post-911...i am trying to write...and trying to avoid the news from the tv above...another fire in new jersey...hey, new york post...the hell with bridgegate or whatever the catch-phrase du jour is...new jersey is burning...and a plane is missing a la lost...i can't watch those relatives wailing in close-up in yet another report so i look away...and my eyes try to avoid the growing number of homeless also shuffling along...all while mayor de blasio won't shut up about universal pre-k...and i am thinking that coffee is not strong enough...even at noon in this "port"...flash forward...monday morning...the last day of march...the first day in the three-card-monte game that is a presale for tickets for fleetwood mac...prices not bad they say...unless you want to eat this month...but i think of christine mcvie...over my head...as i lament that i have to go to work and therefore will not be able to click search at 10am...it is snowing...i have to dig my freakin' snow boots out again...and it's not april fools' yet...but i remember two weather forecasts sunday night...newscasters flashing pearly whites and mentioning the possibility of flakes north...and we are east...and as i slip into work i am thinking about all of this...and laugh...what a fool believes