Holier than thou...

 I am in the 2%...roughly...that is where as a Jew in 2021 I fall in the charts tracking religion in our country...Christians, which combine Protestant, Catholic, and Mormons, rack up somewhere around 65%...there are other small figures for many other of our fellow Americans, but the largest following Christianity is Unaffiliated...and yet, even in this little 2% sliver...I am subject to the anti-Semitic rhetoric and t-shirt display blatantly flaunted in our Capitol on January 6th...from a group dedicated to our current President...and for this, to date, there has been no condemnation from him...no distancing from this message...and so, if I follow "a" to "b"...this is more than a silent nod of approval to the rabid dogs who stormed the Capitol...theirs was merely a Pavlovian response to years of dogs whistles going back to Charlottesville...which leaves me in a sad and bitter place...if you are reading this and have ever been subjected to prejudice and hatred because of religious affiliation...or the color of your skin...or the accent which inflects your speech...you will understand that there are triggers...mild to severe...which will always lead you back to where you were left feeling your worth was less than zero...with all the visuals and audio from January 6th...it was actually those t-shirts that brought me there...and it leaves me wanting for a quiet seat in a synagogue...by an Eastern wall...to ask why?...why again and again?...and also begs me to ask...to the 65%...is this what Christ would do?...I think not...

A Capitol Offense...

 I promised I would not blog...after all...news and events are fluid...how can a writer capture change...so I will call this a written snapshot...today's events should surprise no one...the volcano exploded long ago and this is the lava pounding the streets you cannot outrun...Americans are allowed to feel disappointed in a close election...just ask Gore supporters 2000...they are allowed peaceful assembly...protest...they are not allowed insurrection...sedition...treason...I am strongly of the mindset that all Americans be given a basic civics quiz when registering to vote...you fail, you don't vote...kind of like driving...because the dangerous stupidity quotient is strangling this nation...do not throw the BLM protests in my face...because all those who peacefully protested had my support...the fringe inciting property destruction and violence did not...we all know that if these were BLM protesters on the Capitol steps today, smashing their way inside...we know they would have been shot, gassed, arrested faster than you can say MAGA...those who stormed the Capitol...confronted DC police...who refuse to leave now should be arrested...charged with treason...denied any stimulus checks...government financial support...they have severed the aorta of this country...they have broken my heart today...and they did it smirking, maskless, as so many of their fellow Americans are dying in hospital beds coast to coast of covid...I don't know where we go...I do hope to look back one day to this post...and nod my head that it was the lowest point for this nation...but of that I cannot be sure...can you?...

our lips are sealed...

 I waxed nostalgic and looked back at my thoughts a year ago...the awe and optimism...and puns of facing 2020...and here I am...year's end...looking forward to not looking back...deciding to put on some semi-real clothes...even if the celebration is in the living room...but there is one thing that definitely will complete this outfit tonight...lipstick...no mask means pulling out the cosmetic bag of various lip colors...gloss...matte...deep colors for dramatic flair...subdued neutrals begging for tanned skin...pencils for art...and suddenly my tired face will light up...those magical words of my Aunt Harriet in my head..."you have to wear lips, you never know who you'll run into"...well, I won't be running into anyone...but who cares...it is more than the lipstick...you all know the endless craving we have...the deep desire...to see mouths moving...laugh lines beckoning from the side of those mouths...and smiles...in all forms...from the grin to full teeth...and the glorious colors of lipstick...a brilliant mauve is calling my name tonight...before I face tomorrow...New Year's Day 2021...pale lips en mask...hoping we can toss those masks this year...and drown in a sea of smiles....

a woman's worth...

 in 2008 while perusing a local newspaper I saw a listing for a writer's group at The Women's Center in Huntington...I had been writing since elementary school...that first book of poetry was a soft-covered composition book...now buried deep in a plastic bin of memorabilia...I had been hoping to really write...structured with gentle critique...support...writing can be a lonely calling...and so I joined this group of remarkable women...I've always felt my writing has been the better for this decision...but not as much as my soul...the road of life is not linear...and it can be hard...everyone needs a safe place to land...and for me one of those important places has been Tuesday mornings...reading, listening, laughing and crying...at the First Church on Main Street...the Cold Spring Harbor Library...and now, on my computer screen...Zooming...our faces reduced to Brady Bunch squares...talent and wit intact...given the harshness of 2020...a pandemic eroding life as we knew it...perhaps it is only fitting, in the cruelest of ironies...that we lost two gifted beautiful women from this group...two voids that can never be filled...in January, Louella...and now, Lois...bookends...from a writer's view they were so different...each voice so unique...and then again...so similar in making their personal footnotes universal...I am sometimes lovingly called the baby of the group...although there have been a few women over these many years...peers born in Eisenhower/Kennedy years...but it truly never mattered...there really is no measure of years among kindred spirits...and for me, these women truly were that...how do we measure a woman's worth?...a thought we often ponder in the face of loss...Louella and Lois...their words will live on...in pages, CD's...in our memories and hearts...their worth a price above rubies...amen...

zoning out...

 yellow zone...orange zone...I feel like I am in the twilight zone...one thing is for certain...as you watch the numbers...they don't lie...this will be the winter of our discontent...and also...Lord save us...we are a dumb nation...Covid is not an abstract...it is not a political ploy...or a media fabrication...it is not just spiking in the south or the midwest...it is now an American horror story...coast to coast...and it is sneaky and lethal...turkey eve...this will likely be the strangest Thanksgiving in this nation's history...what is your family's side dish...compliance or defiance?...I'm subscribing to the former and trying to keep my chin(s) up...and truly be thankful for what is and not what was or could be...praying for recovery for loved ones and friends...hoping tomorrow's meal gives us real sustenance to buckle down and mask up for the next hurdle...wishing good health and peace during this altered holiday season...and that we can all work on crossing the Covid end zone together...

"I don't need your civil war..."

 ...it feeds the rich while it buries the poor"...how did we get here?...how do we stop the bleeding...how do we reach beyond the hype...deplorables...libtards...the seeds were planted long ago...under the watch of Presidents you loved and hated...or ignored while you stood in line for concert tickets...you turned a blind eye in the eighties...silently embracing the excess...but at what cost...and the divide started...by the time the towers fell the seeds had grown to vines which were holding back so many who wanted to join the success of fellow Americans...and we supported a war in anger and grief...a war that still rages and cripples us...the intellectualism of the last administration was a panacea for many...but stirred the wrath of just as many...and under it all the ugly roots of racism took firmer hold...you start yelling at me...at this blog...how that is not so...but everyone is racist at some level...it is part of early teaching...I don't necessarily mean your parents...your teachers...but your world during your minds' formation...what you saw...what was subtly indoctrinated...our current President's support and success is born out of rebellion...against moving too quickly away from what many felt to their core was the essence of patriotism...I could understand that to a degree four years ago...I cannot now...but whatever the outcome...we need to reach across the great divide...and for many it is at their dinner table...we are tearing this country down on the world's stage...if we do not trust the process that is our democracy...who will trust us...how will the final act play out as Putin and Kim Jong-un applaud from the cheap seats...

cold November rain...

we are almost 8 months into Covid...we are almost at election day, when we may know, or not know who will lead this country as we creep towards winter...and move indoors...and tempt our fate...we are tired...getting lazy...jaded and sloppy...and our medical community is pausing for a deep breath...getting ready once more...New York, once nearly the hottest Covid spot in the world...we are at the precipice...and I feel tired...don't you?...I look at my reflection on Zoom...and FaceTime...and in the mirror...and that scares me too...the virus takes its toll in so many ways...I desperately miss the movies, yet cannot bring myself to walk into a theater...fearing that I will look right...then left...see lowered masks...then walk...and for a devoted movie fan...I am sorry to inform...Netflix and any streaming service on your television or laptop at home does not replace that feeling as the lights fade in a movie theater...and you hear the hum and the previews begin...I will not discuss theater...because I will cry...there is nothing that will replace the feeling I would get as the lights would dim and the orchestra would play that first note...or the spotlight warmed the profile of an actor facing the audience and uttering the first word...nothing...I recently took some old vinyl from Mom's house...Broadway albums I played over and over in my youth...hoping to lift my spirits playing them on a vinyl turntable I bought a few years ago...the scratches and lousy acoustics heartwarming...the lyrics and chorus familiar and uplifting...because this is the reality...the warm breezes of Indian Summer are gone...the statistics more chilling than November rain...this Thanksgiving I will be thankful for never having to see another ad about Max Rose or Nicole Malliotakis...and I will be thankful that G-d has granted me and those I love good health...but also anger that the tables across this country will be smaller this year...that we may not sit together as we crave more than that favorite holiday dish...and that so many will have empty seats...Covid...and so more than the Macy's parade...or the svelte legs of the Rockettes...I wish crowded tables extending into oblivion next year...and this is what keeps me up at night...listening to the November rain on the roof...darkness in late afternoon...in 2020...