november rain

it could be snow...such is the rationale i use while additionally wishing my car was a boat...november's monthly average rain in two days...hypnotized by the wipers at red lights, my mind wanders...and i become increasingly depressed realizing we are one month from the end of another year...how many resolutions and plans can you squeeze into 31 days?...maybe easier to carry them forward...swish swish swish...do i have clothes at the cleaners?...swish swish swish...passing fairway...swish swish swish...what the hell should i make for dinner?...swish swish swish...what were those resolutions made in january?...was i serious or trying to hold back time?...ah, this rain...as sad as chapin's "taxi" playing on the radio...almost home...think i'll grab the afghan, a cup of chamomile and close my eyes...daydream...a sunny may afternoon...petty's "running down a dream" blasting...resolutions beckoning in a blue endless sky...

suffragette city...

i suppose reading this you might find it strange...blogging before the outcome of the election...but you see for me it's the bigger picture...or smaller...we stand in line today as a nation divided...it is ugly...it may get uglier in days to come...possible recounts...maybe a gore vs. bush nightmare again...but that is not the real issue...the real issue is where do we go from here as a nation...so many are amazed that we are at this point...vitriol...mob mentality...and it stirs something very unsettling within me...maybe it's after seeing "denial" a few days ago...or turning away from continued reports of rising anti-semitism around the globe...and on our campuses...maybe it's because of what campaign rhetoric has brought to the surface...or maybe it's because tomorrow is the anniversary of kristallnacht...and so many people do not even know what that is...and the knot twists when i realize that many future generations may never know what it was and meant because of how easily our histories are rewritten in the age of instant information and blind acceptance...and so now do i need to defend all i am?...isn't it enough that we all see our children the same way...wish for them the same things...it makes me shake...how did we get here again...how do you put out the fire of hatred...i pause...later i will exercise the 19th amendment...but sadly wonder...where is the amendment that will eradicate hate at the core...maybe this...put down the phone...breathe deep...crack a book

it's just a jump to the left...

yes, let's do the time warp today...halloween...one day crammed with so many memories...costumes...parties...and, oh yes, chocolate...but here i am...at a certain point of life...and in between it all...not dressing up or working on a costume for my daughter...in a community with no trick or treaters...and missing it all...well, maybe not cleaning the mailbox november 1st coated in shaving cream, toilet paper, and...ew, sometimes eggs...really missing the chance once a year to be someone else...to reinvent yourself for a fleeting and often hilarious moment...thinking back to my two favorite costumes....scarlett o'hara and morticia addams...yes, a hula hoop and curtains for the first...and even finding a long cigarette holder to complete the second...and also, wistfully remembering walking in the village parade 1981...before it was over-hyped and televised...i think of icy cold halloweens, my nose red at dusk...rainy ones with umbrellas and soaked sneakers trying not to slip on the drenched leaves...and glorious sunny ones, the sun blazing as it set over the last foliage...and i can still hear the sound of candy hitting the table as it was unceremoniously dumped for sorting...being young and wanting it all...being a parent and trying not to sneak it all later that night...but mostly i think of children...the youngest...not jaded...the wonderful costumes...and the pure joy and trepidation as they looked up at me, arms spread wide holding their goody bags...running with glee down my lawn into the darkness of werewolves and vampires and ghosts...and the sweet memory of youth...

look back in anger

i close my eyes...and dream of november 9th...please let this nightmare be over already...make america great again...i'm with her...both slogans offend me...as a writer...really?...this is the best money can buy these days?...but seriously...last night the third and final debate...hallelujah...as i watched the great pumpkin vs. sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits...i began to boil...these are the days of uncivil discourse...style over substance...and the world is watching...and we are watching but not listening...because we are numb...and guilty...because this is not the worst of it...what passes for senators, congressmen, legislators, and yes, now in nassau, county executives is appalling...so few really grasping the meaning and intent of serving their constituents...so go ahead and read the facebook posts ad nauseum...line your wastebaskets with endless campaign mail...mute the tv commercials...as for me, i'm dreaming of peter finch...crazed and ranting..."i'm mad as hell and i'm not going to take this anymore"...i reach for the window latch and pause...cause really, who the hell would listen these days?...

cause i gotta have faith...

it is that time of year again...baseball playoffs in the distance...football stats mounting...and brisket...rosh hashonah...days of awe...yom kippur...hours of atonement...they loom as summer ends...then fly by...but faith is that elusive feeling deep within...and i have to admit that i am green with envy when i see those so sure and steady in their belief...because for me it has always been much like the ocean...ebb and flow...rocky and tranquil...dark, then luminous...and so much emotion tied to memory...and family...and joyous dinners in tight places...and then to all who are gone...no longer at the table...i think ultimately, for me, my faith is not really within temple walls...although there is sweetness in prayer and peace in the silence...for me it is in the writing...and the determination to share memories...feelings...of what came before and where i wish we could be in this lifetime...and so i will grasp that this holy season...take it with me into the new year...wishing everyone reading l'shanah tovah...a sweet and happy new year...and yes, i really do want world peace...

leave it to cleaver...

september in the city...in our city...nyc...which for new yorkers is, and will always be the only city...we now live in the long and painful shadow of 9/11...and so like many people i was perplexed that last sunday the miss america organization chose that night for airing...albeit the talent competition...or lack thereof...was a welcome relief to the sadness that permeates that day every year...the baton twirler should have had flaming batons a la "miss congeniality"...yeah, that would have been fun...but what really opened my eyes was the question and answer segment...20 seconds to answer rather hard-hitting questions from celebrities (a stretch as some of them wouldn't even make the "d" list that "dancing with the stars" scrapes around)...and yet, they weren't awful in their 20 seconds...tanned, teased, taped and starving these young women made me shake my head...multi-million dollar matt lauer should have taken notes...the pretty boys on the left and barbie fox girls on the right also...november looms in the distance and we deserve better...from candidates and pundits and the media and ourselves too...and then there it was...while having dinner with friends thursday the news broke with the story of the man and his meat cleaver...and bedlam a block from penn station...my commuter hell hub as it were...but i didn't flinch this thursday... in the shadow of the lost towers i am numb...i just came up with the hope that police would be all over that hub...and i would get out of dodge...did you see that blur at the city line friday?...nah, it wasn't the road runner...it was bratton...leave it to cleaver...a farewell for bratton...from this beloved city...our big apple with insidious rotting at the core...

summer breeze...

sweet days of summer...the jasmine's in bloom...and the halloween decorations are out...santa will be schvitzing in aisle 13 before you blink...as labor day weekend bears down...and tropical storms with names we cannot, or do not care to pronounce swirl in the atlantic...there is a sadness underneath...one you almost think you brought on yourself...yeah, someone caught you peeking at the burgundy and other tempting earth-toned sweaters spread in display in 90 degree heat...and smelling pumpkin spice scented candles...yeah, you did that...you cheated on summer...the shortest, sweetest, sweatiest season...so much expectation in such a short time...and poof...although we all know warm air will swirl for several more weeks before that first early-morning-where-is-my-freaking-sweater moment...so, push back...hold on to bare feet and tall drinks...early morning coffee on a porch or terrace or outside table...inhale the bliss of emptying bottles of suntan lotion...walk the beach before sunset...hold it all in...all that heat...to melt the blues of booted feet in cold dirty slush on a faded january afternoon