we get very few "instructions" in life...we take our first breath...mumble the first word...take that shaky first step...but no one really tells us how to live...or prepares us how to die...and most importantly...how to mourn...we often follow the rules of our religion...from the devout...to those diligently adhering as a final gift to our dearly departed loved one...maybe feeling conflicted inside...and so it was...after my father-in-law passed away...gathered around the table sharing a meal in between hours of shiva...that I joked in an exhausted state...that maybe we needed a shiva bell...something to ring to signal that respite...that quiet space was on...and then later...ring it to let us know we were resuming seeing mourners...and it got me thinking...about the mourning process...which is unique to each person...and ever evolving...loss is continuous...changing...as we resume life after losing someone...being busy seems Shangri-la...less time to think...but if only it was that easy...almost twenty-two years later...and I still feel my father's loss...at strange times...how could I support Mike when I have learned so little in that vast time...maybe we just need that shiva bell...to ring when we need that space to feel...even laugh through memories...then cry...with no explanation...after all...who among us does not deserve that grace?
