free falling

most people my age who are still blessed to have parents in their lives, repeat one mantra to them at all times...don't fall, don't fall, don't fall...repercussions can be life altering...so there I was...Friday the 13th....enjoying lunch at a nice restaurant with my friend...we were laughing, having a "ladies who lunch moment"...as opposed to the daily "ladies who work, worry and schlep moment"...we got up to leave...and I, remembering my mantra...tucked in the 3,000 pound fairly ugly modern chair as I made my way around the table...at least that was the plan...apparently one leg of said chair was not tucked...challenged my right foot and sent me free falling forward to the ground...and most of me landed on my left knee...the same poor knee that has survived four, count 'em, arthroscopies...cortisone shots...and many rounds of PT over the last twenty years...the knee pronounced not replacement material...I felt panic and my lunch in my throat...thankfully, an employee gingerly got me into a chair, ice appeared from the kitchen...I was able to walk...made it to my car...my friend at my side...made it home...Advil and ice...later orthopedic urgent care...no breaks...a contusion...and I hope that is it...most of you know...you hold your breath after a fall like that...because the real damage is not always obvious...but I am hoping...bargaining with the man upstairs...it's been a shit year in many ways for this family...let this just be a bruised knee and ego...as the knee gives me the middle finger every morning...reminding me I am alive...reminding me to go through life...one step at a time...and watch the chairs...

Unconventional thinking...

as summer slipped into its last month...we had our country's second convention...now, we know each side has lambasted the other's candidates...speakers...delegates...slogans...intent...ad nauseum...but one thing is certain for both sides...there is fatigue behind all those smiles...not the kind that comes from too much after hours partying in Milwaukee or Chicago...no, it is a weariness from years of distrust...distaste...dishonesty...most Americans politically align one way or the other...but these days...the political construct leaves a bitter taste in one's mouth...allowing for left and right extremism...in this respect, the United States is not alone...we can see it in election cycles worldwide...and with this eerie shift...if we are now in this century's "roaring twenties"...are we headed to the authoritarian thirties, part 2?...as for the conventions...when watching them...and I did...well, one more than the other...I often found myself most immersed in the everyday citizens who were asked to speak...their stories were genuine...sincere...a rare political commodity...but this election cycle I find my enthusiasm has been curbed...sidelined by this nation's growing pains...hopefully a "midlife crisis" not a death knell...so, I wait for these last August sunsets...and strangely think of Jimmy Carter...his upcoming 100th birthday this October...and his determination to vote this November...to plant that seed like the good farmer he was...and me...I'm hoping for some inspiration...hope

hillbilly van gogh

I couldn't help it...knowing it would eventually piss me off...make me yell at the screen...I watched Trump's speech last night...well, that first third and then some...and yes, for the first segment...it was a subdued Trump...soft-spoken...and I knew...if he stopped right after that point...it could have been a slam dunk appeal to the undecided...but he couldn't help himself...does a leopard change its spots?...he pivoted...and it was vintage Trump...the revenge tour...a sneak preview of a second term...the crowd cried...wearing quickly made right ear bandages...they claimed in solidarity...a bizarre assembly of the faithful draped in red, white and blue...with bandaged ears...but pay attention...the real danger was Wednesday night...with the elevation of J.D. Vance...that would be James Donald Bowman...freshman senator from Ohio...former Marine...lawyer...author of the NY Times best-selling, yet underwhelming, memoir "Hillbilly Elegy"...made into a mess of a movie...by Ron Howard...oh, Opie...but most importantly...despite his adept back pedaling skills...this guy does not respect women...yes, he has a very accomplished wife...I would argue she will be his shield against all his has said...and has vowed to do...he has said he wants a nationwide abortion ban...no exceptions...he has put the value of staying in marriage for the sake of children above leaving when suffering from domestic abuse...but if you want to see the anger behind the smile...pull up a clip from 2021 where Vance blamed what he calls the "childless left" for our country's woes...since they have "no physical commitment to the future of this country"...my favorite quote sums him up "we are effectively run in this country...by a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they've made, and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable, too. And it's just a basic fact"...gee, I didn't realize Clarence Thomas is a childless cat lady...but, what's an overwhelming fact is that yes, Mr. Bowman...in simplistic psychological terms...your mother and grandmother did a number on you...which despite your accomplishments you cannot rise above...but now you're going to be a heartbeat away from being the most powerful person on the globe...unless the Democrats pull a miracle...or you let your true colors show beneath the veneer in the lead up to November...with your disdain for the majority of the country...women...for our planet...for our allies (Ukraine)...I could go on...but it's 5 o'clock somewhere...I think Van Gogh vodka is calling my name...

the shiva bell

we get very few "instructions" in life...we take our first breath...mumble the first word...take that shaky first step...but no one really tells us how to live...or prepares us how to die...and most importantly...how to mourn...we often follow the rules of our religion...from the devout...to those diligently adhering as a final gift to our dearly departed loved one...maybe feeling conflicted inside...and so it was...after my father-in-law passed away...gathered around the table sharing a meal in between hours of shiva...that I joked in an exhausted state...that maybe we needed a shiva bell...something to ring to signal that respite...that quiet space was on...and then later...ring it to let us know we were resuming seeing mourners...and it got me thinking...about the mourning process...which is unique to each person...and ever evolving...loss is continuous...changing...as we resume life after losing someone...being busy seems Shangri-la...less time to think...but if only it was that easy...almost twenty-two years later...and I still feel my father's loss...at strange times...how could I support Mike when I have learned so little in that vast time...maybe we just need that shiva bell...to ring when we need that space to feel...even laugh through memories...then cry...with no explanation...after all...who among us does not deserve that grace?

the thin blue line

I was originally going to title this...NYPD blue...but something went off in my brain...and I opened my folder of blogs going back to 2012...and there it was...a blog about the murders of Detectives Ramos and Liu back in December 2014...that time the perpetrator...again, with a stellar rap sheet...did us a favor and killed himself...and the political leaders from both sides...did the mea culpa tango...flash forward almost 10 years and here we are again...Officer Jonathan Diller...wake today and tomorrow...funeral Saturday...political leaders angling for ways to ease their collective conscience...forget them all... this is about his young widow...his beautiful baby...a police partner...all whom will never recover from this...Diller was a Long Island man...I lived in Suffolk County nearly 20 years, and now Nassau County for nearly 12...there is a real six degrees (or less) of separation out here...Diller was 31...my daughter, Lauren, 32...as the days since his murder move forward, she keeps finding friends of friends who knew him...as a mother, that hits hard...the sorrow is palpable...there will be time for finger pointing...and there's plenty of blame to go around...but it does not bring him back...the same day that Diller died...an innocent man was pushed on to the subway tracks in Harlem...to his death...a mentally ill man...with a rap sheet...was arrested for this senseless murder...in an endless loop of subway and street violence in New York...and all of this on the cusp of the holiest weekend for Christians...so...Christian, or not...whatever higher power you believe in...ask for blessings for the soul of Officer Diller...and that man in Harlem...and for this city...my city...which I always hope can rise from the ashes of its current state of relentless hate...and for all that we say...amen

from the river to the sea, what is it they want from me?

almost six months into the Israel-Hamas war...and as an American Jew...everyone wants a piece of me...according to our former President...a cancer that keeps evading chemo..."any Jewish person that votes for Democrats hates their religion, they hate everything about Israel, and they should be ashamed of themselves"...gee, I don't remember any other religion or ethnic group being held up and threatened...and Biden and Blinken cannot win with this one...certainly not when the youth of this country get their news and stats from Al Jazeera...Gaza is an atrocity...Hamas is deeply imbedded and protected and will likely grow out of the ashes...the United Nations called for cease fire...referencing Ramadan...where the hell was the United Nations when Israelis, and non-Israelis, were slaughtered October 7th on Simchat Torah?...no Jew is surprised...but rising antisemitism has its tentacles around the voices and hearts of American Jews...we are damned if we do, damned if we don't...we are held accountable in ways no Christian can ever understand...here's the thing...I am an American Jew...this is my homeland...how safe I feel here...that is my motivating force...and the entire political system...red to blue...has let me down...I matter every four years...and then I am thrown to the wolves...I have no answers to this Mideast conflict...but when Jews are targeted in this country...my country...let me hear your plan...cause the old ones haven't worked...under every administration...blue and red...hate doesn't thrive in a vacuum...it is passed with the potatoes at dinner...in unchecked sermons...in unchecked adjunct professor lectures...in election year dog whistles...like the brilliant Oscar Hammerstein wrote in South Pacific..."you've got to be carefully taught"...

Queen for a day...

the paper shamrocks are being swept away...the spilled beer hosed down...revelry receding in the rear-view mirror...for Jews, this next weekend gives us Purim...late this year...overlapping with Palm Sunday and hopes for spring to assert herself with budding trees and warmth...I have to admit...these last few months...since the October 7th Israeli massacre...which occurred on the Jewish holiday of Simchat Torah...literally "joy of the Torah"...let that sink in...all Jewish holidays are wrapped in sorrow...knowing that there are fellow Jews held in captivity in Gaza...if they are...there is a deep part of me that thinks they are all dead...and so in a few days, we celebrate Queen Esther...and the resilience of our people...or as we would joke before October 7th...they tried to kill us, we won, let's eat...but as I look away from the news...the tragedy of the hostages...the total lack of recognition from women's groups and leaders around the globe of the rape and mutilation of Israeli women (Michelle Obama, anyone?)... and to the tragedy of civilian loss and starvation in Gaza (Egypt silent as a mummy about the closed border)...I wonder...the news always shows male leaders and their mouthpieces digging in their heels...across this globe...and mothers crying silent tears...the amount of women in Palestinian government is pitiful...it's not much to brag about in Israel either...Golde Meir is but a powerful twentieth century memory...maybe women should step forward...if they could...in Gaza, give up their murdering and raping husbands and sons...form a women's coalition to negotiate in good faith...and in Israel...form a more moderate coalition...not caving to religious fanaticism or corrupt leadership...I know...just a pipedream...a crazy thought...but something to think about before you bite into that hamentashen...